In Exodus 20:12, God tells us:

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

The Hebrew word for honor (kabbed) implies giving weight, importance, and respect. It is more than obedience; it is an attitude of reverence toward the life and role our parents represent. In Ephesians 6:1–3, Paul reaffirms this principle to the early Christians, calling it “the first commandment with a promise.” Honor and respect bring a blessing—not just longevity, but stability in family and society.

Honor in Scripture also extends beyond biological parents. Proverbs 1:8-9 speaks of listening to “your father’s instruction” and not forsaking “your mother’s teaching,” highlighting wisdom as a generational gift. Similarly, Jesus, though divine, showed obedience to His earthly parents (Luke 2:51), offering a model of humility within the human family structure.

The fourth commandment bridges the two halves of the Ten Commandments—those concerning our duty to God and those governing our relationships with others. This positioning is significant: it suggests that how we treat our parents reflects how we honor God Himself, who is the source of all authority.

Further on we read a warning:

“The eye that mocks a father, that scorns an aged mother,

will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures.”

Proverb 30:17

Biblical narratives vividly portray both obedience and the consequences of neglecting this commandment:

• Joseph demonstrated honor by providing for his father Jacob in Egypt (Genesis 47).
• Ruth’s devotion to Naomi, her mother-in-law, shows that honoring parents includes loyalty and care even when relationships are not biological.
• Conversely, Absalom’s rebellion against King David (2 Samuel 15) epitomizes the destruction that arises when this commandment is broken.

This verse lays the foundation for a principle that reaches beyond family life into the heart of social order.

A call for forgiveness

As with every commandment, for some it might be difficult to follow this one. Parents are not perfect, just as we – and no one is. Everyone is doing the best they can and behaviours can be influenced by many factors including the own upbringing of our own parents and the relationship with their parents. Behaviours and attitudes are sometimes passed on through generations. 

No matter what our parents did wrong and what they caused in us, this commandment also demands from us that we forgive and honour them anyway. 

Ideally we also learn form the experience and make it better when we parent our own children. From own experience I have to say, it is easier to judge then improving and doing it better oneself…

Thus, even when parents have failed or relationships are strained, this commandment challenges believers to seek forgiveness, set healthy boundaries with grace, and uphold the dignity of the parental role.

Applying the Fourth Commandment

Honoring parents in the modern world requires adaptation to diverse family and cultural contexts. At its core, it still calls for respect, gratitude, and care—but how we express this changes across life stages.

1. In childhood, it means obedience and teachability—recognizing parental wisdom as guidance for character development.
2. In adulthood, it becomes respect expressed through empathy, communication, and appreciation for the sacrifices parents made.
3. In old age, it may involve physical or emotional care, standing by them with patience and dignity as they once cared for us.

In a society that prizes independence and self-fulfillment, this commandment reminds us of our interconnectedness. Honoring parents establishes moral continuity and emotional stability in families. 

Practically, this might mean:

• Calling or visiting parents regularly.
• Speaking respectfully about them, even in disagreement.
• Teaching children family stories and moral lessons passed down through generations.
• Supporting parents emotionally through messages, video calls, or shared activities—small acts that express continued honor in a digital age.
• Caring for aging parents with compassion rather than seeing them as burdens.

Conclusion

The Fourth Commandment invites us to view family not merely as a private relationship but as a sacred trust ordained by God. Honoring father and mother cultivates humility, gratitude, and faithfulness—the same virtues that enable us to honor God Himself. In doing so, we strengthen the foundation upon which both personal integrity and social harmony depend. By living out this commandment, we weave honor, mercy, and tradition into the fabric of everyday life.” — lyrical and fitting finale.

(Photo by s05prodpresidente from Pixabay)

Further Insights

Jesus himself gives much more depth to the topic than I ever could. Below is an extract from the visions of Maria Valtorta where He addresses this commandment in a speech rather at the beginning of his official journey:

“The Law says: “Love your neighbour as you love yourself.” I think and say: how would I be showing love to My brothers, if I closed My heart to their needs, also to their physical needs? And I conclude: I will give them what I was given. Holding out My hand to rich people, I will ask for bread for the poor, depriving Myself of My bed I will receive in it who is tired and suffering.

We are all brothers. And you do not give proof of your love by means of words but by deeds. Who closes his heart to his fellowman, has a heart like Cain. Who has no love, is a rebel against the command of God. We are all brothers. And yet I see, and you also see, that there is hatred and disagreement within a family, where the same blood and flesh corroborate the brotherhood which comes to us from Adam. Brothers are against brothers, children against their parents, and parents are hostile to each other.

But in order not to be always wicked brothers, and in future adulterous husband and wife, it is necessary to learn from an early age to respect the family, which is the smallest and the greatest organization in the world. The smallest as compared to the organization of a town, of a region, of a country, of a continent. But the greatest because it is the oldest; because it was established by God, when the concept of fatherland, of country did not yet exist, but the family nucleus was already alive and active, a source to race and races, a small kingdom in which man is king, woman queen and the children subjects. Can a kingdom last if it is divided and there is enmity among its inhabitants? It cannot. And truly a family will not last if it lacks obedience, respect, economy, good will, activity, love.

“Honour your father and mother” says the Decalogue. How are they to be honoured? Why are they to be honoured? They are honoured by true obedience, by correct love, by loving respect, by a reverential fear that does not bar confidence, but at the same time does not make us treat our elders as if we were servants and underlings. They are to be honoured because after God, a father and mother are the donors of life and of all the material necessities of life, they are the first teachers and the first friends of the young being born on the earth.

We say: “May God bless you” or “Thank you” when someone picks up for us something we have dropped or gives us a piece of bread. Shall we not say, with love: “May God bless you” or “Thank you” to those who break their backs working in order to feed us, weaving our clothes and keeping them clean, who rise from their beds to watch our sleep, who deprive themselves of their rest to cure us, and make a bed for us of their laps, when we are most tired and sorrowful?

They are our teachers. A teacher is feared and respected. But a teacher takes us when we already know what is indispensable to support and feed ourselves and say the essential things, and he leaves us when we are still to be taught the most difficult lesson in life, that is, “to live”. It is our father and mother who prepare us for school first, and then for life.

They are our friends. But which friend can be more friendly than a father? And which more friendly than a mother? Can you be terrified of them? Can you say: “I have been betrayed by him or by her?” And yet there is the foolish boy or the even more foolish girl, who make friends with strangers and close their hearts to their father and mother and they spoil their minds and hearts with unwise if not guilty friendships, which are the cause of paternal and maternal tears, that like drops of molten lead burn their parents’ hearts. Those tears, however, I tell you, do not fall on the dust or into oblivion. God picks them up and counts them. The anguish of a downtrodden parent will receive a prize from the Lord. But the behaviour of a son who tortures his parents will not be forgotten either, even if the father and mother, in their sorrowful love, implore from God mercy on their guilty son.

It is said: “Honour your father and mother, if you want to have a long life on the earth.” And I add: “And forever in Heaven.” A short life here would be too light a punishment for those who wrong their parents! Life to come is not an idle story, and in life to come there will be a prize or a punishment according to how we lived. Who wrongs a parent, offends God, because He orders us to love our parents, and who does not love them, commits a sin. Thus, rather than his material life, he loses the true life of which I spoke to you, and goes to his death, nay he is already dead, because his soul is deprived of the grace of God, he is already a criminal because he offends the most holy love after the love for God, he has in himself the germ of future adulteries, because from a bad son he will become an unfaithful husband, he already possesses the incentive of social depravation, because from a bad son originates the future thief, the fierce violent killer, the cold blooded usurer, the cynical hedonist, the disgusting betrayer of his fatherland, of his friends, of his children, of his wife, of everybody. Can you hold in high esteem and trust a man who has been capable of betraying the love of a mother and mocking at the grey hair of a father?

But listen a little further: to the duty of children corresponds a similar duty of parents. Cursed be the guilty son! But cursed be also the guilty parent. Do not cause your children to criticise you and imitate you in doing wrong. Get them to love you on account of the love you give them with justice and mercy. God is Mercy. Let parents, who are second only to God, be mercy. Be an example and consolation to your children. Be their peace and guide. Be the first love of your children. A mother is always the first image of the bride we would like to have.

A father is for his young daughters the image of the husband they dream of. Behave in such a way that your sons and daughters may wisely choose their wives and husbands, thinking of their father and mother and seeking in their partners the sincere virtues of their parents.

If I were to speak until I treated the whole subject fully, a whole day and night would not suffice. So, for your sake, I will curtail My speech. May the Eternal Spirit tell you the rest. I spread the seed and move on. But in good people the seed will take root and bear fruit. Go. Peace be with you.”

Maria Valtorta, The Poem of the ManGod, chapter 122 Jesus at the «Clear Water»: «  Honour Your Father and Your Mother.»